My husband and I had been trying to start a family and finally the day came when we discovered we were expecting. I was over the moon with excitement and then, well, I wasn’t. I was filled with an abundance of emotions that included both positive and negative. Along with those emotions came guilt. “I should be happy and not afraid. There are people who are not able to conceive and here I am second guessing the timing of this miracle.” “What will this do to my career?” “Do I want a career?” “Will we have enough money to provide this child the life it deserves?” “Will we have enough money that I can still get a haircut?”
As you can tell these thoughts often moved in my brain like a ping pong ball and would leave me feeling both happy, nervous, and sad. I started to wonder have other women felt like this and if so where are they? I never hear anyone talk about the fear only the excitement and joy. People hardly ever write about the challenging thoughts and feelings that come with becoming pregnant. Sure the books will tell you to expect the emotional roller coaster and to be prepared for the hormones to rage but they never talk about the fear, guilt and worry. Only the joy.
If you are a mother, a mother to be or a woman who has not even considered having children. I am sure you have considered the guilt associated with the challenging thoughts and I just wanted to reassure you that these negative thoughts do not make you a bad person. They make you a person. One that will be able to experience the joy and the pain of life and motherhood.
(Please do not take this wrong if you are one of the people who never second guessed your pregnancy or felt the fear you will also experience the wonders of parenthood.)
When we experience all emotions good and bad we allow ourselves to be human and to be human is to be vulnerable. Often times we only outwardly acknowledge the positive or easy feelings because it feels less dangerous, as though there is less risk of being rejected. Brene Brown PhD, LMSW said, “Vulnerability is at the core, the center, of meaningful experiences.” Pregnancy should be a meaningful experience full of all emotions. So please do not hide your feelings not even the ones that are difficult. Find a place you can be yourself and feel supported because you are not alone.
~ Stay true to your Authentic Self, Always